So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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