put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
