This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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