"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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