You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
