im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
We have started to decorate penises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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