I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I stole a fireplace last night.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
