just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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