Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
