i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
When are your genitals available?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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