i just made my gag reflex go away.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
