New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
