my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
