You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
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the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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