Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
we made out on top of his cat.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
