I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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