This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
