Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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