i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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