So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I think my moral compass just broke
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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