btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
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