like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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