Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
