his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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