I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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