I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
