I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
