Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize