She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
