you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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