even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
