the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
