When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize