You work out of a Hotel?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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