2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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