all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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