my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
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i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
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I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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