i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
