Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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