i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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