and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
well, you know. whores of a feather.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
