I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
