So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
