She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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