i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
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