Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
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He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
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I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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