Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize