I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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