We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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