I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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