I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
