My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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