so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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