Someone shit on the floor
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
