Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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