Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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