Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
