I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize