How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
